Big Things are Moving

Have you found yourself in a situation that you had been so closed to and (I'll admit, in my case) even laughed at for years and years, but then there you were in the middle of it? Have you ever been told you might be the answer to some big prayers? Were you ever unsure about it?

I never expected to find myself in full time ministry for a prolonged period of time. But now it's looking like that's exactly where I might find myself for the coming year! I know I'm being vague, but the details haven't all ironed themselves out yet. I don't even know if God will bring it to completion. But I know He's going to take me to some crazy places regardless.

For years I thought the "travelling evangelism team" concept was kind of, well, stodgy and strict and silly. And for years I'd told God, without any wavering at all, that I *knew* it wasn't His will for me to travel, or go to Africa as a missionary, or whatever. Any time an evangelist tried to "tighten the screws" and pressure us to "respond to the call", I knew that I wasn't being called.

Then, this January, God started to soften me. He didn't call me to Africa; He just asked, "Libby, if I asked you to go to Africa, would you go?" And... for the first time, I stopped and said, "God, I'm not committing... but I'm considering. I'd be open to it." Of course, I haven't been called to Africa or anything. But for the first time, I'm open to that being in my future. Not like it'd be easy or anything. After that, I began to dialogue with a friend who's getting ready to go on a mind-blowing missions trip around the WORLD for a whole YEAR, and my old, scattered desires to be in ministry started to come together into a true desire to, someday, do something really all-out and totally ministry-focused. Something full-time, at least for awhile. I just never actually saw it as a possibility still. I figured that now I'd graduated, I'd just go become a teacher as I'd trained to do and then do ministry by being involved in my local church.

Then, just over a week ago, God brought a new thought to mind: "Libby, if I asked you to travel with the Life Action Team (the group we've had at our church for two weeks), would you do it?" I totally laughed this one off. Me? I was never "that kind of girl". But the thought wouldn't go away. I began to pray and say, "God, even if You asked me to do that, would I?"

Well, pretty soon a few friends of mine--not knowing my inner thoughts--suggested (and then pressured--you know who you are!) me to join. Soon some of the folks on the Team caught wind of it. Even my own pastor asked me about it one day. I wrestled with God and with my own fears about that possibility. My pros and cons list had 10 pros and 35 cons! I finally got to the point where I said, "God, I trust You, I think I'll apply to work next year (summer 2011) as a Children's Minister. That way I can still use my degree in working with kids, and we'll see if You want to do anything with that application or not, and I'll be okay either way."

I thought that was it. Really I did. I was happy to wait a year, take it slow, and use the current time to begin paying off student loans and earning as much money as I could at work. Sounds pretty brilliant actually, right?! :-) Well, on the last day of the Life Action meetings, some things happened that resulted in me basically being attacked to audition with the Team before they left Thursday. I left that night with an application, a phone number, and a pretty dazed and confused mind.

Needless to say, I was pretty consumed with it after that. "God, what's going on?!" I asked. Here I thought I'd wait a year and apply to be with children, because everybody knew my degree I'd just earned was in Elementary Education. But... the team was asking me to be a singer for this coming year.

I struggled now with 1) how much I thought it would be fun, and 2) how much I thought I'd be "wasting" my degree if I signed to be a singer for a year. This was not what I'd just gone through the fire of school for! This was not what everybody was always telling me I shoud do! This was not what I thought my calling was! On Tuesday I actually fasted (God bless the friend who challenged and encouraged me through it!) and met with several team members, and I finally came to the conclusion that I'd put myself out there and at least try, and let God take care of the rest. At this point, I realized that the whole Life Action "saga" had become pretty consuming, and now God was asking me, "Libby, if you apply and then I ask you to stay, will you do that too?" And I had to come to the point where I said, "Yes, God, I will be fine with that, too." So I called the music director and set up an audition. Yikes!

Okay, and here's one of my favorite parts: on Wednesday, I was REALLY nervous and really struggling with the idea that I must be doing something wrong because I wasn't ending up as a teacher like I'd planned all along. I thought that I was leaving my "calling" and wasting my degree... and then God led me across this quote that I'd written in a journal in January:

"Say you're called to missions and in 15 years you're called elsewhere. Is God confused? No. He doesn't call you to be a speaker... He calls you to Himself. He doesn't call you to teach, but to pursue Him, wherever that takes you."

SLAP! So I was supposed to get over that, too, eh? Hahahaha. It couldn't have been any more appropriate :-) So..... I did the audition. And even though I was nervous as all getout (I am NOT a performer. I sing to praise God, and I only sing in a choir because I can be "lost in the faces and voices"), and dry-mouthed and all, and I know I didn't sing my very best, some exciting things happened. My talk with the Music Director was amazing in the truest sense of the word. Like I said, big things are moving. Now I have to pray and wait and see... and be content whichever way God sees fit to lead me.