FYI

About the life-drama with "should I travel with Life Action Ministries or should I stay in Illinois and settle in to pay off student loans?" that's going on: it still hasn't been resolved. I was just looking back at some old posts--the story of my audition, the phone call from HCC about the Challenger job... it still gives me shivers. The statements I made about being okay either way, about student loans, about unsureness... they were almost prophetic...

Well, the latest is this:

I got the official call from Life Action Ministries just over a week ago, asking me to travel with them this year as a singer. I really, really, really wanted it (can you tell?). But just when I was about to say yes, those folks I consider to be my wise counselors all advised me to stay in town and pay off those dratted student loans instead of travelling. Boy, let me tell you, I wrestled with God hard-core on it. In fact, I'm not sure if I'm even done wrestling yet. A story God brought to my mind was that of Jacob wrestling with God, and I knew that, just as in the story, the only way I could walk away from this was if God touched me and either changed me physically or changed my circumstances intensely.

Obviously, I had changed a lot in the last few weeks. I had bought in so completely to the idea that maybe this was God's will for me that I was no longer willing to stay! Now my old original plan, which had seemed so brilliant at the time--to apply for 2011 and pay student loans off first--seemed constraining and dull. I think when I put myself out there for that audition, I took a decisive step in changing who I am. Though not visible to others, inside I had altered my course. I even agreed to sing in the Praise Team on Sunday mornings, just to see if I could survive for Life Action--and I you know what? I loved it! I didn't want to settle down anymore and become a teacher. I wanted something radical. I wanted ministry all the time (though I apparently didn't want ministry in my own hometown... oops). What was happening to me?

Of course, in the meantime, my Challenger Learning Center job interview was fast approaching. Once Upon A Time, I thought I wouldn't have to worry about it; I would just accept Life Action and then regretfully inform the Challenger I'd taken another position. But now, with my folks advising me to hold out on the decision for LA as long as I could, my interview had come. So I prepared: got out my fancy suit, put together a First Grade lesson on magnets for the teaching demonstration, and plunged ahead. I figured the interview would clear things up for me, once and for all. Honestly, I was counting on finding out that I didn't really like it.

Of course I was wrong.
The Challenger facilities are magnificent. Let me tell you, it's like being in a real spaceship (as much as I know what a real spaceship is like, that is!). The Interview Panel really liked me and even got into character during the First Grade lesson.
Now it is even harder for me!!! I could easily see myself being happy at either job. I now don't feel like I can tell either opportunity "no" (there's that people-pleasing bend in me again). Yet, a piece of my heart still steals away periodically and longs desperately for the 24/7-ministry-life-on-the-road with Life Action. But now I'm afraid again, friends. I'm afraid neither opportunity will meet me ever again. What's a girl to do? Which is the next right choice?